One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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