Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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