if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
