hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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