garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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