What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
