He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
