Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
