Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
