the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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