Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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