Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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