The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
