Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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