you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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