Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
