This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
