do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
