i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
