Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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