I think I died a long time ago.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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