best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
