I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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