I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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