Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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