Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
