So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
