so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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