dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
