our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
