Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
