at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am spending my child support on dildos
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
