this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I DEMAND FORESKIN
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
