At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
