Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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