I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want nice things and good sex
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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