I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I want a musical about memes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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