So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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