so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
