Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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