Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
