Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
