I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
