Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
