The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
