i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
