I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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