put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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