i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
