She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
