U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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