Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
