You made me cry and you don't even care
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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